tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73888626283534382022024-03-21T04:49:58.286-07:00The journey of a Pixie and her MomAileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05163192074327943951noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388862628353438202.post-6486421730390391802014-07-03T11:18:00.000-07:002014-07-03T11:18:49.579-07:00The story continues....8 years laterAaaah I re-read these posts last night and had a pinge and twinge of regret for not continuing these tales.<br />
I won't try summarise too much - that is not the point but perhaps there can be snippets of memories that come through in my tale telling.<br />
<br />
So Kayla is 9.5 years now. She walks, talks, sings (loudly and with her soul and completely out of tune!), runs in a funny lob-sided manner (that can be very fast in a shopping centre), giggles at farts and other inappropriate things, isn't wild about doctors, loves her grand-parents and has very different relationships with them.<br />
<br />
She goes to <a href="http://www.unity-college.org.za/">Unity College</a> and is in Junior 3. Her reading is coming along beautifully and fairly slowly. Her vocabulary has increased wonderfully, her maturity has progressed and she has confidence in herself. We were going to school her in a mainstream school and kept her back a year to aid her. But one afternoon I went to fetch her from playschool and she was sitting playing by herself. She was rocking and humming and it struck me so solidly that she would not cope in a mainstream environment. We re-assessed and re-looked and re-agonised and decided to place her in Unity College. We love the school and believe in it.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvlyn26iYT4tE6oXc5aG5ntbp5Q4au5WcG7Yygn5LQ3E7q7Sqm-PS23OA0mx9p8YqOnTS90jodUzovUIdkAR4FnIyZ-DE8wHzWYpYxCGqBoDTN4f11KxuYBxmF8glmzcBen9Yd3aQkMMA/s1600/IMG_2385.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvlyn26iYT4tE6oXc5aG5ntbp5Q4au5WcG7Yygn5LQ3E7q7Sqm-PS23OA0mx9p8YqOnTS90jodUzovUIdkAR4FnIyZ-DE8wHzWYpYxCGqBoDTN4f11KxuYBxmF8glmzcBen9Yd3aQkMMA/s1600/IMG_2385.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sammy, Lesego, Shariek, Kayla end of year assembly 2013</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxVIxl3pdTwp6wXRkk2yqiXksdwOB467jMkxOA6mG8y8IoTOeEhxOfTTPyHDiwjbItb8ma7DL-eG_EVG_IP5MnlpkLy7mBsEEjtULlgM-0SRfm7iGujxDBy5gioMsUYRsImJsrYkNC08/s1600/IMG_2403.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxVIxl3pdTwp6wXRkk2yqiXksdwOB467jMkxOA6mG8y8IoTOeEhxOfTTPyHDiwjbItb8ma7DL-eG_EVG_IP5MnlpkLy7mBsEEjtULlgM-0SRfm7iGujxDBy5gioMsUYRsImJsrYkNC08/s1600/IMG_2403.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prizegiving 2013</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNxpEWKghQNOL_25ldnFbYjALZ6LJxNkp1bRu8xzOygNCzVlbVyOlmEyMQMuYzW6LJIuHOB8yaHgEil5OmF_28anZ5O0HuXXPS-g8qDIiRhlR8oFPPjRLCacmrdfnuSdXL185r0GoMzxI/s1600/IMG_0028.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNxpEWKghQNOL_25ldnFbYjALZ6LJxNkp1bRu8xzOygNCzVlbVyOlmEyMQMuYzW6LJIuHOB8yaHgEil5OmF_28anZ5O0HuXXPS-g8qDIiRhlR8oFPPjRLCacmrdfnuSdXL185r0GoMzxI/s1600/IMG_0028.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Winter 2012</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWGYUvEqM89OTnDFZ37i6QvH-ahwv6zVJH1pBoS3l5eEZRftjX45V4w-jAhnb3vLxuVbEp8g8RUV4_0NiCyof6_ayIUO7W0_Fb2P4Wx33G9TWjDcMNYB6vHJHYM7ERgg1k_XUOx7OImfo/s1600/IMG_1324.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWGYUvEqM89OTnDFZ37i6QvH-ahwv6zVJH1pBoS3l5eEZRftjX45V4w-jAhnb3vLxuVbEp8g8RUV4_0NiCyof6_ayIUO7W0_Fb2P4Wx33G9TWjDcMNYB6vHJHYM7ERgg1k_XUOx7OImfo/s1600/IMG_1324.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sports day - Lesego, Sammy, Ntsika - 2013</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There will be plenty more stories from school but for tonight this is it.<br />
<br />
This journey as this Pixie's mom is difficult, is funny, is special, is filled with laughter and tears and frustrations and anger and jokes and special moments and rage and tickles and laughter. I question many many many times why I am THE mom. Many times I rant at God and many times I say thank you for my many blessings.<br />
And on that note - good night.Aileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05163192074327943951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388862628353438202.post-67185834348092709922012-04-21T12:06:00.000-07:002012-04-21T12:06:20.982-07:0018 months<br />
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<u><span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">20
April 2006 – almost 16 months</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">Gosh a
year down the line and what a beautiful year.
Kayla – alias Miss Chaos Factor – is simply beautiful. She is the happiest most content person I
have ever come across and she is absolutely thriving. She is crawling now and started doing so in
Feb. She is so fast now and so
independent. She goes all over the
house. She crawls up the stairs to leave
our bedroom but hasn’t quite got the gist of coming down the stairs. She loves exploring all the rooms and all
aspects of the rooms. One of her
favourite activities is to pull all the magazines from the shelves and sit in a
pile of print. This journey on the
communication channel is so exciting.
She is starting a few signs – bath, more, milk and understands many
commands – blow bubbles, splash, clap hands.
She clearly shows her displeasure by growling like urghurgh sort of
noise. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">We
started Aquatots 2 months ago which she loves.
She is confident in the water and wriggles around like a little
tadpole. The Aquatots is basically
teaching the children how to get in and out of the pool, how to float and I
guess just how to be comfortable and as safe as possible in the water. We have signed up for the next classes so
we’ll see what we learn next. We also do
Kindermusik which is stimulation through movement, music, beats, textures,
socialising. I chose these 2 activities
because Kayla loves the water and music so much. She dances often when she hears music – just
jigs her little body up and down and often sings in accompaniment as well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She
generally feeds really well but clearly spits out the food that she doesn’t
like with a wrinkled face clearly showing her displeasure. She loves egg and I make her scrambled egg
with herbs (basil, parlsey and oreganum) quite often. She also loves liquorice as you can see!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnzHBddfudr8n5rX51EbVSyC-QAv3D17VkqvIqnYfV4CtJIPLzvgxSTTxSg3fqrzboHyzt_vpuYkJE747GQMmx1A2fgt2iwMTP2YQ-P1B8LIScPb3Q2SJX2ZA6xiZ0wQyOBQEikkNKXms/s1600/IMG_1953.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnzHBddfudr8n5rX51EbVSyC-QAv3D17VkqvIqnYfV4CtJIPLzvgxSTTxSg3fqrzboHyzt_vpuYkJE747GQMmx1A2fgt2iwMTP2YQ-P1B8LIScPb3Q2SJX2ZA6xiZ0wQyOBQEikkNKXms/s320/IMG_1953.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">Memory
did not in fact end up working for us but we have another angel instead. Lydia started with us last year
May. She was the only lady I interviewed
besides Memory and she got the job because when Kayla sneezed she leaned
towards her and said “bless you baby girl”.
Lydia
is wonderful and loves Kayla very much.
She has her own little boy – Thabo who is about 3 months older than
Kayla. He is walking and talking quite a
lot and is very sweet with Kayla. Often
when he comes into the room Kayla gives a shout of joy and bolts over to him as
fast as she can crawl.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFAoqB8rPUiIaTfmyx1D3y6VUV8i-23rGm1kZeX2OzIFGGF-z80AnwGcfj7mjauHkwSsEi-yRy5y517kwDHs8fM_uHKi0X3FjX4bapj097TG7ZV9MPJgCvjW29nDnM4Rcfyx41b24NKf0/s1600/IMG_1963.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFAoqB8rPUiIaTfmyx1D3y6VUV8i-23rGm1kZeX2OzIFGGF-z80AnwGcfj7mjauHkwSsEi-yRy5y517kwDHs8fM_uHKi0X3FjX4bapj097TG7ZV9MPJgCvjW29nDnM4Rcfyx41b24NKf0/s320/IMG_1963.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">I am more
convinced that she is saying Dada with more understanding and tends to say Nana
for Mama. Although for the last couple
of days she has been saying more Mama noises.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She slept
over at her Nan and Grandad’s 3 weeks ago
because Doug and I were doing an
adventure race. I was quite upset all
night (although I did sleep through the whole night!) and she slept most of the
night there. When she woke up in the morning
she was apparently a little upset and kept on turning her little mouth down and
there were silent tears running down her cheeks. But apparently by lunchtime she recovered her
cheerful happy self. She made up for it
the next night by waking up loads of times in the night – I guess to check we
were still there.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She had a
tummy bug a few weeks back for about 15 days and she seems to have fallen into
a habit of waking up a few times in the night now looking for her bottle. She was doing that while she was sick I guess
because she was hungry coz she didn’t want to eat much at mealtimes. She is still sleeping in our room in a camper
cot. I am ready for her to move to her
own room but we are still in negotiating stages with Doug
over this.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She has
been so healthy – only having a couple of colds and a tummy bug. I breast fed her solely until she started on
solids at about 5.5 months. Then at
about 8 or 9 months she started getting formula as well. We stopped breastfeeding at 12 months. She barely noticed we had stopped (although
we were only doing a morning feed at that stage) but I definitely noticed. My breasts were very hard and sore for a few
days and I was quite sad to stop.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">We did
start with the vaccinations and started them when she was 1 year. She had no funny reactions and was generally very
brave with the injections. Kayla has a
pretty high pain threshold and tends to only cry when she bangs herself
hard. Shame, with learning how her body
fits in space she falls and bangs herself and pulls things on top of herself
regularly – poor pumpkin. That is the
learning process though.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";"></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">22 April
2006</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">My days
are much slower but so full with this little girl. I haven’t been working since February and it
has been so wonderful to have this rate opportunity. I don’t really miss the work – the money and
sometimes the challenge perhaps – but not the stresses and the results of the
work. So much time is spent on Kayla and
this family and myself. Perhaps I should
put myself first. It is Saturday today
and Doug went off for the morning on
a long cycle at Hartebeespoort Dam.
Kayla was very restless last night and woke up about every 30 minutes or
so from 22:00. So needless to say Mom
was quite tired this morning. We woke up
at 07:30 and had a shower and some tea.
Then breakfast and then I tided the house and then we eventually made it
out the house at 09:40. We only went to
3 shops – hardware, vegetable and fish shop and then back home again. She fell asleep in the car. I love watching her sleep. I wonder if she plays with her angels in her
dreams. Then when Doug
came home we had tea and made a fire. I
read and watched my little daughter play with her toys in the lounge. She was putting the blanket over her head and
squealing with delight. She also bangs
things together and puts them in buckets and talks to them and gets this high
pitched excited noise at times. It is
priceless to watch. So much so that I
put down my very good book and this rare time of reading during the day and sat
on the floor with her and played. Her
face just lights up.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She is
like a blossom that attracts all the insects.
At the shop this morning there were about 3 people who came immediately
over to her with such purpose to be in her space I guess. She is so friendly and cute with them and so
engaging. I am so blessed to have this
child in my life – even if I did not get more than 3 hours consecutive sleep
last night!!</span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">07
June 2006 – 17.5 months</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">It is
amazing and wonderful to watch her little personality develop. She is a happy child, content with others and
by herself. She displays stubbornness –
“stubbornness!” I say with disbelief, “it can’t be! Now where on earth would
she get that trait from?” It is so
rewarding watching her little thought-processes work. She climbs up the stairs from our bedroom
very easily but not so going down. She
was sitting on the floor in our room and found an empty toilet roll (no doubt
from the dustbin she loves to go digging in).
She was squealing with delight at her precious find. Now she couldn’t get it up the stairs coz she
needed her hands. So the clever pixie
puts the toilet roll one stair up then climbs up to meet it and puts it another
stair up until she got to the top of the stairs. She squealed again in sheer delight and joy
to have her precious find with her. I
was in awe at her thought processes.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She
learnt to point about 3 days ago. It is
quite a cute sight to have this tiny little finger pointing at everything and
the mouth saying “ba ba” to everything.
Due to having gotten this pointing thing right she is now able to do the
“more” sign which is a finger tapping the centre of the other hand.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She also
understands to lift her arms up when we are taking off her clothes and to lift
them up to put them in sleeves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">We are
back at physio working on the walking.
Di, as always, is so positive and fabulous with her. Kayla favours her left leg and doesn’t
generally put too much weight on her right leg although she appears to be
right-handed. She shows her stubbornness
when trying to do the various exercises so needs to be distracted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She is
coming on beautifully with the swimming.
We do quite a bit of back floating and today she floated so well. I hold her in front of me and look down into
her face. I just see this little face
with these little button eyes looking back at me. It nearly always tugs at my heart and as soon
as she can she tugs at my costume. In
fact I have had to change swimming costumes because she pulls so hard at my
costume (heart!?) that I pop a boob out – lovely!</span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">28
June – 18 months today</span></u></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">Wow a
year and a half has gone by. Somehow 1.5
years seems significant. We had a couple
of days with so much communication from Kayla – it was such fun and so
exciting. She did the signs for bird,
dog, more (lots of that), cat. She also
got down the stairs (the 2 in the lounge) at Dave and Shirley and did it quite
often. Sher loves “barping” our noses
and laughs hysterically if she is given a fright with a LOUD barp or bark or
something. She is quite “mummified” at
the moment and likes to be near me and climbing on me and talking to me. She hasn’t wanted to go to Lydia but if Lydia comes to her without me being
in the room then she is fine. She cries
more now than she used to. It is like
she understands a little more to show her dissatisfaction. We bought her a doll a few weeks ago which
she enjoyed for a while – playing with its hands and nose and feet. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIsxeghiMvXlRox7IaSc14sVy5DJ6ZiQKPzo4v7iLvnBEasrnBW9R9cz-c3ArFOi7gQrePzaUgWNuYsus6KAkdZucoDsUJqo7iIEyi2h5vIgsJlXk06lPm1KJ0v2fp8CLxbnal6MH_UMo/s1600/IMG_2124.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIsxeghiMvXlRox7IaSc14sVy5DJ6ZiQKPzo4v7iLvnBEasrnBW9R9cz-c3ArFOi7gQrePzaUgWNuYsus6KAkdZucoDsUJqo7iIEyi2h5vIgsJlXk06lPm1KJ0v2fp8CLxbnal6MH_UMo/s320/IMG_2124.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";"> I made a bowl of jelly for her and put her
out in the garden with no clothes on.
She had a ball. At first she
touched it quite conservatively and then just relished in it – the taste and
feel and texture. She was sticking her
head in the bowl and gasping with the coldness of it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">She is
also trying to feed herself more now.
She takes the spoon away from me but will allow me to dip the spoon on
the bowl. It makes for longer and MUCH
more messier feeding times. Sometimes I
have to remind myself how important it is for her to do this and learn to feed
herself coz I get impatient with my dirty clothes and how long it takes to have
a meal. I am constantly reminding myself
how blessed we are that she can do these things and keeps on learning. These things are not taken for granted.</span></div>Aileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05163192074327943951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388862628353438202.post-72254908864930273992012-03-13T22:38:00.004-07:002012-03-13T23:00:10.886-07:00Up to April 2006<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib3xyEjGDlNpd56T6LLa73csvLG3MQmfCrILEKn_H50pUZbJk7HA9DrnSkofU-WMmoTnKj4mAJJrU0PcRv9okgRgz8kPTVKp4QHYclrYmzJ6vTuh7BwqXHFiYn0gMya41rgMhjqPiTJz0/s1600/09279+scopy.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib3xyEjGDlNpd56T6LLa73csvLG3MQmfCrILEKn_H50pUZbJk7HA9DrnSkofU-WMmoTnKj4mAJJrU0PcRv9okgRgz8kPTVKp4QHYclrYmzJ6vTuh7BwqXHFiYn0gMya41rgMhjqPiTJz0/s200/09279+scopy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5719627733441058418" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I am using writing I did all those years ago. As I get more up to date then I will write "live action".<u><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" ><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">02 April 2005</span></span></u> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >The time with Mom and Dad was really special for everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >They were able to spend lots of time with their granddaughter.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was an easier time for me there compared to the last few times I have been home – somehow simpler.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Dad expressed so many times how much he loves Susie and I.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He has been doing that a lot recently – it is lovely.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We went down to the beach with Kayla and dipped her little feet in the sea.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She didn’t really seem to mind it one way or another.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I went for a swim in the water which was lovely but not as much fun as when I go with someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Mom wasn’t going to swim and Dad couldn’t swim with his healing shoulder (he had an operation to rejoin back the tendons to the bone – he damaged it when he fell and then again when he put his hand out to stop Eunice hitting the dash board when he had to break sharply).</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" > I sometimes just watch Kayla for ages.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is so precious and I can’t believe s</span><span style=";font-family:";" >he is part of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her smile is just too beautiful and comes quite frequently now.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was 3 months on 28 March and weighs 5.1kgs and is 59 cm long.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her head is getting so strong and she often holds it up for a duration.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am reading a book called Invincible Spirit – Liz Wickens.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is a South African lady with a child with Downs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Wow she had some really hard times with her son.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am so grateful that Kayla is so healthy and that we haven’t had to have her in hospitals with drips and things.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We had a bit of a traumatic afternoon 2 days ago.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She hadn’t pooed for 3 weeks except 2 when I gave her suppositories so we went to see Dr Leschner – the paediatrician.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He said it could be because of the low muscle tone or low thyroid.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He put his little finger up her bottom – oh the poor little mite – she screamed.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Anyway she didn’t have a block because she pooed immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I calmed her down and then we had to have blood taken from her.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She screamed again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was so upset that whole afternoon and I couldn’t put her down.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I understand now about parents wanting desperately to take the pain away from </span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >children and rather have it themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Anyway the next day she was fine and to my GREAT joy she made a huge poo in the afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have never been so happy to see so much shit in all my life!!</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" > July – 6 months – bubble noises.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Makes big mess when eating.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Laughs when stimulated verbally is not just when kissed or tickled</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" > Mid Aug – 7.5 months – noises are di di di da da da</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" > </span><u><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >20 April 2006 – almost 16 months</span></u></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" > Gosh a year down the line and what a beautiful year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Kayla – alias Mis</span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >s Chaos Factor – is simply beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is the happiest most content person I have ever come across and she is absolutely thriving.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is crawling now and started doing so in Feb.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is so fast now and so independent.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She goes all over the house.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She crawls up the stairs to leave our bedroom but hasn’t quite got the gist of coming down the stairs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She loves exploring all the rooms and all aspects of the rooms.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>One of her favourite activities is to pull all the magazines from the shelves and sit in a pile of print.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This journey on the communication channel is so exciting.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is starting a few signs – bath, more, milk and understands many commands – blow bubbles, splash, clap hands.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She clearly shows her displeasure by growling like urghurgh sort of noise.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >We started Aquatots 2 months ago which she loves.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is confident i</span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >n the water and wriggles around like a little tadpole.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Aquatots is basically teaching the children how to get in and out of the pool, how to float and I guess just how to be comfortable and as safe as possible in the water.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We have signed up for the next classes so we’ll see what we learn next.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We also do Kindermusik which is stimulation through movement, music, beats, textures, socialising.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I chose these 2 activities because Kayla loves the water and music so much.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She dances often when she hears music – just jigs her little body up and down and often sings in accompaniment as well.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >She generally feeds really well but clearly spits out the food that she d</span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >oesn’t like with a wrinkled face clearly showing her displeasure.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She loves egg and I make her scrambled egg with fresh herbs (basil, parlsey and oreganum) quite often.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She also loves liquorice and we have a beautiful picture of her in the bath with a face covered in liquorice.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Memory did not in fact end up working for us but we have a</span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >nother angel instead.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Lydia started with us last year May.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was the only lady I interviewed besides Memory and she got the job because when Kayla sneezed she leaned towards her and said “bless you baby girl”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Lydia is wonderful and loves Kayla very much.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She has her own little boy – Thabo who is about 3 months older than Kayla.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He is walking and talking quite a lot and is very sweet with Kayla.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Often when he comes into the room Kayla gives a shout of joy and bolts over to him as fast as she can crawl.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >I am more convinced that she is saying Dada with more understanding and tends to say Nana for Mama.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Although for the last couple of days she has been saying more Mama noises.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >She slept over at her Nan and Grandad’s 3 weeks ago because Doug and I were doing an adventure race.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was quite upset all night (although I did sleep through the whole night!) and she slept most of the night there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When she woke up in the morning she was apparently a little upset and kept on turning her little mouth down and there were silent tears running down her cheeks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But apparently by lunchtime she recovered her cheerful happy self.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She made up for it the next night by waking up loads of times in the night – I guess to check we were still there.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >She had a tummy bug a few weeks back for about 15 days an</span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >d she seems to have fallen into a habit of waking up a few times in the night now looking for her bottle.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was doing that while she was sick I guess because she was hungry coz she didn’t want to eat much at mealtimes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is still sleeping in our room in a camper cot.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am ready for her to move to her own room but we are still in negotiating stages with Doug over this.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >She has been so healthy – only having a couple of colds and a tummy bug.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I breast fed her solely until she started on solids at about 5.5 months.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then at about 8 or 9 months she started getting formula as well.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We stopped breastfeeding at 12 months.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She barely noticed we had stopped (although we were only doing a morning feed at that stage) but I definitely noticed.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My breasts were very hard and sore for a few days and I was quite sad to stop.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >We did start with the vaccinations and started them when she was 1 year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She </span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >had no funny reactions and was generally very brave with the injections.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Kayla has a pretty high pain threshold and tends to only cry when she bangs herself hard.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Shame, with learning how her body fits in space she falls and bangs herself and pulls things on top of herself regularly – poor pumpkin.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That is the learning process though.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >I must try be more regular with this coz I think it will be full of forgotten things.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just reading through the 1<sup>st</sup> few months brought back so many wonderful memories .<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But for the moment - ciao for now.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >22 April 2006</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >My days are much slower but so full with this littl</span><span style=";font-family:";" >e girl.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I haven’t been working since February and it has been so wonderful to have this rate opportunity.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t really miss the work – the money and sometimes the challenge perhaps – but not the stresses and the results of the work.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So much time is spent on Kayla and this family and myself.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps I should put myself first.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It is Saturday today and Doug went off for the morning on a long cycle at Hartebeespoort Dam.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Kayla was very restless last night and woke up about every 30 minutes or so from 22:00.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So needless to say Mom was quite tired this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We woke up at 07:30 and had a shower and some tea.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then breakfast and then I tided the house and then we eventually made it out the house at 09:40.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We only went to 3 shops – hardware, vegetable and fish shop and then back home again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She fell asleep in the car.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I love watching her sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I wonder if she plays with her angels in her dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then when Doug came home we had tea and made a fire.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I read and watched my little daught</span><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >er play with her toys in the lounge.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was putting the blanket over her head and squealing with delight.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She also bangs things together and puts them in buckets and talks to them and gets this high pitched excited noise at times.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It is priceless to watch.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So much so that I put down my very good book and this rare time of reading during the day and sat on the floor with her and played.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her face just lights up.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" >She is like a blossom that attracts all the insects.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At the shop this morning there were about 3 people who came immediately over to her with such purpose to be in her space I guess.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is so friendly and cute with them and so engaging.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am so blessed to have this child in my life – even if I did not get more than 3 hours consecutive sleep last night!!</span></p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgln9-fdYU4wrnlC6U2PqfocqsRYJ6L4at5sjCdUPZnDEsivU3CFB1QWrEL5yUMsO5MlAj9q_JsM7CrfpmUINGXsQugFsF3fmoQTyi_JCW7RkH5yhfROB42hiMO6nra7t0U1zdYXpAi-W0/s1600/09327+scopy.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 134px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgln9-fdYU4wrnlC6U2PqfocqsRYJ6L4at5sjCdUPZnDEsivU3CFB1QWrEL5yUMsO5MlAj9q_JsM7CrfpmUINGXsQugFsF3fmoQTyi_JCW7RkH5yhfROB42hiMO6nra7t0U1zdYXpAi-W0/s200/09327+scopy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5719627735258763842" border="0" /></a> A real live angel in my arms.Aileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05163192074327943951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388862628353438202.post-20250182021459890472012-03-06T11:21:00.007-08:002012-03-07T03:46:30.073-08:00Long over due - but begin at the beginning.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyG38yE6igdNz1lVTjiOIAD2Biu_nhbcOLcceo_8m94TDDohzHtpTPZLNXtIRZBXUkvyD0Hb03gIDXO9ysi6EoO-ODatUFPQhEndVTL0eEZscFJppfZBqKY1V7Fr-snQ-L-XqezYFi8C0/s1600/IMG_0308.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyG38yE6igdNz1lVTjiOIAD2Biu_nhbcOLcceo_8m94TDDohzHtpTPZLNXtIRZBXUkvyD0Hb03gIDXO9ysi6EoO-ODatUFPQhEndVTL0eEZscFJppfZBqKY1V7Fr-snQ-L-XqezYFi8C0/s200/IMG_0308.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717119268370509314" border="0" /></a><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> 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semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Intense Reference"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="33" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Book Title"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="37" name="Bibliography"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif][if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">There are not many things in life that I wish I had gotten to but this is one of them. Being a mother is unlike anything else I have ever done or been challenged by or been blessed by in my whole life. And I think its time I wrote a little of this journey. I can promise to make you laugh, to make you say "aaawww sweet", to make you shed a tear or 2 (or as in my case quite a few), to get angry with me, to share my laughter and joy, to maybe even say "ag shame". I will have to go back some steps to get to present day. I had written stuff years ago so have pasted them here:</span><br /><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><u><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">Wed 12 Jan day 15</span></u><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">The precious pixie was born on 28 December 2004 at 12:10.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was born about 2 weeks early, eager to make her appearance in this world as I guess she has some important things to teach.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I birthed her out of the pool and then Doug and I got back in the pool with her and just gazed in wonder and love at this little squirming bundle.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was perfect and we loved her immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We were given 2 days of bonding and loving and learning.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then a bombshell was dropped on Friday morning.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I remember feeling so fragile and tearful.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sharon ever so gently told us that Kayla has some very interesting features and suggested that there was something that we should investigate regarding her chromosomes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I felt really fuzzy and felt that I was not understanding something really basic.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was sitting on one side of the bed closet to Sharon who was holding Kayla and Doug and Michael were sitting on the other side of the bed.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I asked the disbelieving question: “do you mean something like Downs Syndrome”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She looked down at the baby and then at me and said yes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My eyes just filled up, this could not be true.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I reached over and took my baby from her and just held this little body close to mine.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She carried on talking but I don’t remember much of what else was said.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She mentioned something of talking to a genetic councillor and blood tests.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I felt numbed and in a cocoon where reality was fuzzy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At some point she left and Theoni arrived to give us each a massage.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doug took Kayla while I had my massage.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There were some points in the massage when I lay there – the tears pouring down my cheeks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This is such a cruel world and to not have all the faculties and wits and looks makes for a very difficult journey.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As I lay on the bed gazing out of the window I became aware of some many butterflies coming past the window.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There was this continuous flow of white wings fluttering past.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doug came into the room when the massage was finished.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He stood in front of me – so calm and gentle and seemingly at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“I love her no matter what” he said and his eyes filled with tears as he held me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“I am so sorry, I feel like I did something to make this happen while she was inside me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Maybe it was because I wished so hard for a little girl…”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doug just held onto me saying it was not me who did anything wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t really remember the rest of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I held her a lot and I am sure we slept together in the afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Michael had gone with this mom for new year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doug spoke to him on the phone and he was quite distressed and couldn’t talk to his mom about it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We wanted to make sure before we started saying anything to anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">We had a quiet New Year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sushi, champagne and beautiful sunset and then a dvd with a box of chocolates.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We would be ok.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>One step at a time, one day at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Right now she is a little baby, just like any other that needs love and care and feeding and changing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">Sunday was a bad day for Doug.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He had no energy and was listless and tired and emotional.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I said I would look after him.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He has been working so hard all week looking after me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I told him to rest and I would get lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I went up to Woolworths.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was a slow horrible shop.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I felt awful and exhausted.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I kept having to rest in the aisles and bend over my knees.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I tried to buy dinners and stuff for the week so that Doug wouldn’t have to worry so much about dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As I drove away I realised I hadn’t bought anything for lunch – the prime reason I had gone up to the shop.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Oh dear.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I got home tearful and exhausted and so hot.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My internal thermometer seemed to have gone haywire and I couldn’t cool down.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We swapped roles.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doug regained his strength and mine disappeared.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Michael and Michele came around.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sharon had put us in touch with them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They have Elijah who is 11 months old and a Downs Syndrome child.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They were such wonderful open people.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I kept my face neutral and listened and asked questions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But I felt so sore.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He looks funny.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>His little eyes are squint and his face is a strange shape.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As I walked down the passage I just wanted to sob and howl out loud.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am so terrified.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They lent us a book and said we would keep in touch.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doug’s mom and dad arrived while they were here.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We pretended they were friends. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">The genetic councillor is large and energetic and warm.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But even with her name like Merlyn could not ward off the bad news for us.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She gave us the low-down and I barely took it in.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>All I can see is fear.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Michael seems better about the whole thing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We went off to the hospital so that Kayla could give blood.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We first went to the lab but they seemed reluctant to take blood from such a little titch.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So Merlin bullied her way into the paediatrician squeezing us in.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I felt claustrophobic with everyone there and Merlin being so noisy and demanding.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Dr Leshner<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>asked if I was ok with holding Kayla while he took blood.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I replied “I can’t promise not to cry but I promise not to thump you.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He was so gentle but she cried when the needle went into her arm.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her little arm was so small you couldn’t even see the veins in it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And the tears spilt down my cheeks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Dear God…..</span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB"> We went to see Dave and Shirley later that day.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We need the support and they need to know.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Of course they were wonderful and the first thing they said was she was still the same little girl and they would love her.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then we phoned my folks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My mom had this stunned silence on the phone and my dad just kept on saying “oh shit”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They both said it didn’t change anything and that she was still the same little girl, the same little granddaughter.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Everyone is so shocked.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then we called Susie.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was afraid of scaring her with her being pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was so pleased we had told her.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was unafraid and full of love for us. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><u><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">Thur 16 Jan day 16</span></u><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">Shirley called the next morning.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was in tears and upset and angry.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My Mom called later in the afternoon with the same reaction.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She hadn’t been able to go to work.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There are days when I feel very strong and capable and then there are others where I am so fragile.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doug is an incredible pillar of strength.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel like I am in a grieving process – grieving the little girl we don’t have.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am not sure what those grieving stages are - denial, anger, disbelief, sorrow, acceptance – something like that.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I think Doug has bypassed the grieving.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He has accepted what is and seemingly unconditionally. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">My folks came up for the weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was so wonderful to have them here.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We all went along to Sunninghill Hospital to meet with the cardiologist – Dr Kenny.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was quite traumatic for Kayla and I had to feed her to try calm her down.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He said we are very lucky as her heart seems to be fabulous.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There is still a hole in the heart which all babies are born with and this should have closed by 2 months.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We will go back to check this is the case – but he is happy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Apparently 60% of these little ones have heart defects so we are very fortunate. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">I was getting desperate for some alone time.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Michael has been with us virtually non stop since Kayla was born and together with all the visitors I was reaching a screaming point.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am an unsociable bugger at the best of times but with this little pixie around now and all the new things I am dealing with – I am getting desperate to climb in my cave. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">I am not able to do much.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She feeds frequently and the last 2 days has wanted to be held a lot and sleep either on me or with me next to her.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I so love the breast feeding.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>To see the frantic crying and very busy kicking moving into a lunge for the nipple and then big striding gulps to the little eyes getting heavier as the tummy gets fuller it is so beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sometimes it is hard and I have had a couple of weeps where we couldn’t get the feeding right.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also my nipples get very sore and tender at times.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I hope I am not doing something wrong. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">My Mom called again yesterday morning – so upset and in tears. She is so angry with God.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She feels I have had enough to deal with in my life and why was he making things so hard for me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I said that I don’t feel I have had too much and all the difficult things I have come out of on the other side stronger and wiser and certainly not broken.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel that she is feeling impotent in her own life because things are hard for her now and now seeing her child face difficulties is making her feel helpless.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I also think she is fearing the future, because really those difficulties are in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Right now I have a little baby girl who needs love and feeding and changing and cuddling – no different to any other baby.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know my fears are also future linked, but if I dwell too much on that for Kayla then I won’t make it to tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I believe she is going to teach me about remaining in the present – something I don’t do very easily.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Mom also hasn’t been able to tell anyone about Kayla having Downs which I think would help her if she could tell people.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There is just so much positive affirmation out there about these special little people.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have told every single person I have spoken to.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As much as I spoke these words to my Mom I found I was upset for the rest of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess that I have still a little way to go along the healing process. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">This was an email between Susie and I and she just worded things so beautifully.</span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB"> </span><i style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" >Hi sweetie </span></i><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);" lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" > You eat your veggie soup first and then I’ll eat mine! Come on big sissie – set an example please!</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" > No one will ever understand why God chose you to do this incredibly difficult job. Ann (Paul’s sister who is a nurse and a midwife) said that one thing she saw in all her times as a nurse / midwife was that only <span style="mso-bidi-font-style:italic">really special</span> people are asked to look after Gods Angels on earth. And that is what Down Syndrome people are: because if you think about it, they never lose their innocence or massive loving ability. Throughout their adulthood as we all get a bit bitter or selfish or mean or dishonest, while their integrity never falters for a moment. They love and laugh their entire life and are innocent children throughout their lives. </span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" >Another thing that you have to think about is that you were <span style="mso-bidi-font-style:italic">asked</span> to do this special role – you weren’t ordered. You chose your route of not taking every test going because basically – when it came down to the crunch – this was your baby – yours that you and Doug had been blessed with. You chose not to take the tests because you know you would never do anything to hurt or kill your unborn child. Because maybe you don’t know you know it yet but deep down you and Doug are one the rare couples on earth that can make a difference to this little girl. You guys are strong enough, kind enough, patient enough but more than any of that – you both have so much love for each other and Kayla that you guys are going to cope – and cope <span style="mso-bidi-font-style:italic">exceptionally well</span>. </span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" >I can see huge things coming out of this Aileen. I can see you making massive grounds on developing Kayla – things that you and Doug can pass onto other people around the world. I can also see you having other children, children who will grow up in your environment who will help Kayla as much as you can or maybe even in other ways that we will not be aware of. </span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" >Also know that any family dilemma like this, brings all your family and friends around you so very tightly to help you through this. And By help – feel free to kick shout and cry when the responsibility gets too much at us but also know that we are there for all the beautiful stories, photos and magical moments to share through Kayla’s Life.</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" >I know you are not religious but this is part of Gods Plan for you guys – I just don’t know what it is yet. Another person who I think would be amazing to talk to through this would be Alan. What do you think? </span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" >Love you xxxx</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" > </span></i><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Tahoma","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" >From:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Tahoma","sans-serif"font-family:";font-size:10.0pt;" lang="EN-GB" > Aileen Kennaugh [mailto:aileenkennaugh@mweb.co.za]<br /><b>Sent:</b> 12 January 2005 13:40<br /><b>To:</b> Greenhalgh, Suzanne<br /><b>Subject:</b> RE: Jabu</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:10pt;" lang="EN-GB" >Hello </span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:10pt;" lang="EN-GB" > We are fine here. Am having a little bit of a wobbly day today. Guess they can’t all be strong days. Kayla hasn’t wanted to sleep without being in my arms or on my body. She has eventually drifted off now in the spare room once I lay with her for a while. Mom was really battling this morning. She called me in tears. She feels so angry that this is happening to me and feels that I have had enough kak in my life. She was so afraid of the long hard journey ahead for us. I am too but just try focus on every day and living in each day instead of trying to imagine what the future holds. She does that a lot – imagine the future and fear it to some degree. I do the same but if I try do that too much now with Kayla I won’t make it to tomorrow. I don’t feel I have had too much kak. I think for everything that has happened to me I have come out the experience a little stronger and wiser and not broken or weaker. And I trust that at the end of the day (and through out this journey) it will be the same again – a little more wisdom, more gentleness, more patience, more courage and more strength will hopefully be in me.</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:10pt;" lang="EN-GB" > I know for all me lecturing to you about eating I find that now I am battling to eat during the day and find nice things. This doesn’t do well for strength building. I was hoping to start a little bit of gentle exercise. I so miss what exercise did for me and for my head. I am still bleeding and Sharon says this is directly related to how much I am doing. So this week I am focusing on staying still and trying to stop the bleeding.</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:10pt;" lang="EN-GB" > Love you madly. Keep eating your veggie soup!</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><i style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:10pt;" lang="EN-GB" > xxxx</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><u><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">22 February 2005</span></u><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB"> Well the little Pixie is 8 weeks today and just doing so well.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is about 4.5 kgs and thriving.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I can distinguish her cries (for the most part) and it is so rewarding to be able to soothe her whether it is through picking her up or feeding her or rocking her back to sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She sleeps so well through the night, going to sleep at about 7pm and waking up at about 3 am and then sleeping again until about 8 am. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB"> The wave and trough emotions have eased off considerably.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In fact I can’t remember the last time I cried - quite a relief after all the emotions during my pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I do have some moments of fear but so long as I continue staying in the present then those fears ease away.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My days are pretty full with looking after Kayla.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When she sleeps for an hour or more it is so exciting for me to get to hang out the washing or clean the kitchen!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have become such a home bunny.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am trying to do a bit of advertising work which is very tricky.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We have employed someone to help in the house and with Kayla and she will start at the beginning of April.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her name is Memory.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have been dreading sharing the house with someone else but now I am quite excited at having a bit of help and also getting rid of the spider webs on a more frequent basis!</span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB"> We went to a Down’s meeting on Saturday which was with other parents and their little ones.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The idea for the meeting is to share information and get some support.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was great to meet other people.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am not so afraid of what the children look like now, not like when I met Elijah.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>From that we linked up with a physiotherapist, Dianne who specialises in children with problems.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We went to see her this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She says Kayla’s muscle tone is pretty good.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She has shown us some exercises to do to help with her neck strength and using her tummy and core control.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I liked her a lot – she is gentle and of course she said great things about my gorgeous daughter. </span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="Californian FB","serif"font-family:";" lang="EN-GB">I am going to Mom and Dad next week for 10 days.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am not looking forward to being away from Doug for such a long time but am so looking forward to spending lots of time with them.</span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Not all the post will be this long - but those beginning days were just so memorable for various reasons.<br /></span></span></p>Aileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05163192074327943951noreply@blogger.com0